Sarah Somewhere Discovering the beauty of an imperfect journey Tue, 26 Aug 2014 14:48:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 The importance of Showing Up Tue, 26 Aug 2014 14:41:08 +0000 Keep reading...]]> I’ve got it!! I’ve finally got it!! After all my searching and asking and experimenting, I have discovered the most important practice in the universe: Showing Up.

That’s it. It’s really that simple.

Okay, I didn’t say it was easy. Not at all. Far from it, but it is simple.

Just. Show. Up.

Showing Up has been a theme for me of late.

I became acutely aware of Showing Up when I committed to a daily meditation practice, which was difficult and confusing and scarey because I was like, “Who am I to do this when I don’t know what I’m doing?” Then I had life-changing experiences and began to share what I discovered and was like, “Who am I to tell others about this? What do I know?”

And some people loved it and some people didn’t but it didn’t really matter because while I thought I was helping others what I was really doing was helping myself. I was showing up for myself, and as a result, I’ve become more myself than I ever have been.

In truth, I’ve been showing up for a while. The first time I ever Showed Up was my first recovery meeting. Before that I had always hid from myself and the world in some sort of substance or form of pretending.

Showing Up that day completely altered the trajectory of my life. Showing Up full of shame and confusion meant I would be one day be writing to you about it which I would never have believed if you’d told me.

And that’s why I continue to show up, because something magical happens to me when I do.

When I go to a meeting, I am there for myself. I am showing up to pay respect to the disease which killed my father and almost killed me and has destroyed so many lives in my family. I’m not hiding from it or denying it or pretending it doesn’t exist. And in that process of showing up for me I get to show up for others too, offering myself and my experiences to them.

It helps me because it helps them and it makes sense out of my suffering and my father’s suffering and Tyrhone’s suffering and the suffering of all the people who never made it. To me, it makes sense of it all, because it is for something.

My suffering heals people, including me!!! It’s nothing short of a miracle.

I practice showing up for this blog, the book I am struggling to write and a new project I’m working on which scares and excites me in equal measure.

I could use more practice with Showing Up in my relationships (and I just realised that). Because Showing Up without expectations of people is the greatest service you can ever do for them, and I have a long way to go with that.

So I am re-committing to the most important spiritual practice in the universe: Showing Up. I encourage you to also.

Show Up with your doubts, your fears and your faults. Show Up in spite of the voice in your head which tells you you’re not good enough, not deserving, not talented enough, well connected enough, together enough.

Show Up for that new class, the job interview, the therapy appointment, the recovery meeting, the date, the dinner.

Show up for the things you are most scared of. In my experience these are the things which will alter the fabric of your life for the better.

When you show up, you change your future.

You are sending a message to the universe that you are here and that you are taking action toward an idea or a dream, and it cannot help but listen.

I cannot promise that you will succeed immediately or that things will go the way you planned. I cannot promise everyone will like you or support you or understand you. But I can promise that if you Show Up, you will learn something about yourself which will carry you to the next step, and the next.

You will be fortified by the experiences you encounter, especially the tough ones.

You will grow. You will transform. You will serve the world. And by doing that, you will discover that your whole purpose for being here is Showing Up as yourself so that you may encourage others to do the same.


Speaking of showing up for scarey things, I recently showed up for an interview with Uma Girish, author of  ‘Losing Amma, Finding Home,’ a memoir of love and loss published by Hay House.

I had never done a live voice interview before and I was terrified. I almost said no, because, what do I know about grief? What could I possibly offer? Surely there would be a thousand more qualified people than me. But I showed up, full of fear and doubt.

It was actually a very healing and cathartic experience thanks to Uma’s well crafted, interesting questions. Sure, I forgot my own train of thought once and got cut off by the Mexican Telco, but I Showed Up as myself and shared my truth.

I talk about authenticity, recovery, grief and healing and you can listen below.

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The day Kim Kardashian stood me up Wed, 20 Aug 2014 15:25:32 +0000 Keep reading...]]> I was scrolling through instagram the other week and saw that my friend, Kim Kardashian was staying just an hour down the road in Punta Mita, along with her husband Kanye West and their baby daughter North.


Punta Mita



“Perfect!” I thought as I quickly invited her and her ‘fam’ over for a pool party the following day via a comment on her instagram feed.

I didn’t hear back, but I hadn’t asked for an RSVP so I took her silence as a ‘yes’.


The next morning I was up early preparing for Kimye’s arrival. I busied myself by making snacks and drinks, cleaning the pool, sweeping the terraces and prepping the cats on Kardashian etiquette, i.e get ready to be called ‘kee-yout,’ a lot.


Chica should have been a Kardashian, she’s such a poser…

I even prepared the guest room in case they loved it so much here and decided to stay the night.

Kardashians guest room

I wondered what we would talk about and thought I had better brush up on conversation topics such as spray tans and Botox. I wondered whether I should buy North a floaty for the pool.


I imagined ‘Yeezy’ hanging out with Tyrhone and thought that they would probably get along quite well due to an unspoken connection between the ganstas of the world.

Part of me wished Khloe and Kourtney were coming too because I think we would probably get on much better as a group, as long as they didn’t want to play the vagina sniffing game again.

With everything prepped, I waited for them arrive. I hadn’t set a time on my invitation so I guessed their Mercedes had gotten held up behind a truck on the road leading from the up-market destination of Punta Mita to our lovely little fishing town of La Peñita.


Kim’s Li-lo floated empty in the pool as I questioned whether it would be sturdy enough to sustain her substantial derrier.

It was probably a good thing they didn’t show in the end, as I really couldn’t afford the lawsuit when she fell off it and injured her million dollar body.


I was a little sad I didn’t get to meet North though. She seems like a kid who has her shiz together and I was hoping to get some tips on selfie angles and social media domination.

Oh well.

I comforted myself with the knowledge that they would have come if they could and would have definitely had the time of their lives with us.

At least I didn’t need to research the latest fashion trends or ask those awkward questions about what really happened between Khloe and Lamar and whether Scott is actually sober or if it is only a matter of time before he goes off the deep end again.

Perhaps it was for the best because the last thing I would want to do is invade their privacy. I’ll just continue to watch from the sidelines and always remember with great fondness the day that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West almost came to my pool party.



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Why I meditate Sun, 17 Aug 2014 13:10:03 +0000 Keep reading...]]> I don’t meditate to be cool. I don’t meditate to become more spiritual. I meditate because there is a window of about half a second between the moment I open my eyes and the crush of thoughts which descend upon my being like a plague of wasps.

They are jumbled and quick and fleeting and overwhelming.

Wearily, I grab some water, a stick of incense and maybe some pants, put the coffee on downstairs for when Tyrhone wakes up and I go someplace to sit in stillness for as long as I can manage it.

Sometimes it’s uncomfortable, but the longer I keep dragging myself out of bed and onto the floor or into a chair to sit, by myself, for myself, the less I identify with the discomfort of my racing thoughts and the more I know that I am the pure awareness within which exists in perfect peace and unshakeable stillness.

I’ve had amazing, life altering experiences via meditation. I have been overcome with a warm wash of love and felt my brain dial down into blissful nothingness so that I become the life giving energy pumping through my strong, soft heart.

I have been filled with the awareness of my divinity and the Oneness of life on this planet. I have had ego-dissolving moments of such pure bliss and an absolute absence of fear I thought would last forever.

It didn’t.

They were amazing gifts, but the thing I have learned about my journey with meditation is that I have to keep showing up. A realization one day does not guarantee it for the next.

That one was a real bummer to learn.

The other reason I meditate is that in spite of all these consciousness raising experiences and internal transformations via a daily morning meditation practice, I am still ten types of crazy by 5pm.

I meditate because the thought of my mind state without it is scarey. No, scratch that, I meditate because I have experienced my mind state without it and it IS scarey.

I meditate because I choose not to medicate with booze or shopping or pretending anymore. I meditate because I really, really want to experience the truth and I truly, truly believe that truth is Peace and Joy.

I meditate because the longer I do, the more I am able to see through the false beliefs of society and see what a big bag of lies they tell to sell products to people who think they are lacking without them.

I meditate because I have come to see beyond my own opinions that I am not enough and have discovered that my greatness does not exist ‘out there’ but at the very core of my being, ready to be accessed any time I choose.

I meditate to take responsibility for the years I escaped myself via alcohol, drugs and people-pleasing; to make amends to my soul which I neglected and ignored for so long.

I meditate because I have realised that healing and happiness require a lot of work from me, to unlearn destructive thought processes and ingrained emotional patterns.

I meditate because it is the only practice which has ever filled me with the knowledge that I am not the tape which plays on automatic shuffle in my head, but the shimmering, eternal awareness within.

It’s taught me that I can choose to either listen to the tape on repeat or shift my focus to the miracle of my very existence via the breath which flows through me; a place from which I am grounded, transcendent, energetic and peaceful all at once.

I don’t meditate because I want to, because quite often I don’t. I meditate because I need to.

Ram Dass


Meditation is one of those ‘things’ people talk about but don’t really tell you how to do. The reason for this, I think, is that there are so many different techniques. You can watch your breath, chant or use mantra, mentally scan the body, or even meditate while walking.

Sometimes I dance around wildly to expel energy from my body and disconnect from the thoughts in my head.

Is this meditation? Well, for me, yes. It’s also a hell of a lot of fun.

I think the hardest part of meditation is actually showing up. Many of us have not been brought up with rituals or practices like these (myself included) so it can feel weird and difficult to do.

Starting small with a mere five minutes per day for five days can be life changing. It is a short enough time to not be too daunting and ‘five for five’ is an attainable goal.

I’m including some links here to a wide range of techniques and talks about meditation. Basically, I think we are all trying to get to the same place of peace and contentment and meditation is not the only way, but it is a tool which has made a big difference in my life.

As always, take what you like and leave the rest!

Love xxx

A Beginners Guide To Meditation by Gabby Bernstein

Deepak Chopra and Oprah’s 21 Day Meditation Challenge

Getting Started With Meditation by Osho

Guided Meditations from The Chopra Center

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Transcend Mon, 11 Aug 2014 17:56:26 +0000 Keep reading...]]> #soulshots is a series I’m creating over the summer as an expression of my inner journey. #Soulshots provide immunity to fear and guard against the suffering which arises when we forget we are made from and for Love.

You are not your past. You are not your parents. You are not what you have done or what has been done to you. You are none of those things.

You are not your sadness, or even your happiness. You are not your thoughts of inferiority or your worries that you may never achieve your goals.

You are not your mistakes, or your accomplishments. You are not the teacher or the mother or the ex-wife or the boss or the employee.

Those are roles, yes, and experiences, absolutely. They all happen to you but they are not you.

You, are light. You, are love. No matter where you live or what you have, you are love.

Transcend the noise of the world by getting quiet. There, in the silent stillness you will meet yourself, the ‘you’ of pure awareness, the witness to your thoughts and feelings, your failings and successes.

Transcend your opinions of yourself by dropping into the steady beat of your heart which pulses with the expansive life force of which you were created.


You are a miracle.

Know this, and you automatically transcend every insult, every judgement, every opinion, even your own.

Transcend your doubts that you are not enough by placing your perfectly formed fingers upon your rhythmic pulse which carries the tune of existence.

Transcend your false ideas by realizing the Perfection within you.

Not for what you do, or say or how you look but for who you are, exactly as you are.

It’s never too late to transcend what you have been taught to realise what you know, what you’ve always known, but have forgotten.

Remembering allows you to transcend the confusion of your morals, religion and politics.

Transcend what you think you know about yourself to discover what is.

From this place, grounded in the core of your being, you are unshakeable. Free to co-create, to fail, to succeed, to be the wife and the employee and the friend; to accomplish whatever you desire without becoming any of it, for nothing can ever compare with the undeniable magnificence of who you truly are.


For Robin Williams, whose spirit transcends space and time.

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Showing up for Peace Thu, 07 Aug 2014 19:00:45 +0000 Keep reading...]]> It’s rare that I send out two posts in a day, but I felt an incredible urge to get this one out (which I first wrote a week ago) before the Global Gathering for Peace tomorrow. Thank you, as always, for reading.

In the wake of so many large scale atrocities occurring on the planet, including but not limited to the Malaysian Airlines disaster, the conflict between Israel and Palestine, the war in Syria and the mistreatment of asylum seekers in Australia, it is easy to become disheartened, disconnected and afraid.

While I have witnessed a large outpouring of compassion and an increased surge in gratitude by those of us who are lucky enough to be living in countries free from large scale violence, there seems to be a wave of resignation and fear-mongering sweeping the planet too.

There are always certain media outlets or individuals who seem to rise to any newsworthy occasion to proclaim us all doomed so they can profit from inciting terror. Then there are the people who gobble it up like bitter candy for reasons I am not sure I will ever understand.

It worries me how little responsibility people are willing to take for the acts of atrocity which occur on this planet while being more than happy to dole out a dismal diagnosis for the rest of us.

More than anything, though, I have compassion for those who hold a world view so dependent on the latest new story (for that is all it ever is for many of us) because it is a sad way to be indeed. I cannot blame them for the recklessness of the media and its absolute ferociousness when it comes to peddling its terror.

We are all victims of it, with some countries such as the UK, Australia and the US being hit worse than others (in my opinion).

But my point is, we are in this together. You may not believe this, but there are some things I know to be true and am willing to stand my ground on and this is one. I may struggle to know it my head at times, particularly during times of terror and violence, but I do know in my heart that We Are One.

world-peaceThere is no ‘us ‘ and ‘them’. The very idea of ‘us’ and ‘them’ is an illusion. What is happening ‘over there’ is also happening ‘here’ because we are inexplicably, unequivocally connected by the very virtue of being alive on this planet.

And what one of us do, we all do. I am not saying we are all running around with land to air missiles blasting aircraft out of the sky, but what other types of missiles do we carry around on a daily basis, ready to blast our latest victim with? Even if it’s only a hurtful, hateful thought or an unfair judgement of someone.

I’ll tell you, I carry a lot. And quite frankly its not bloody good enough. It’s not good enough because I have a responsibility to be the best person am capable of being. I don’t mean the sort of person you think I should be, but the kind which my heart longs to embody. My loving, kind, giving heart which I believe to be the very same heart that beats inside the chest of every single human on this planet.

Every single one, even terrorists.

Acts of violence do not come from ‘animals’ but from human beings just like us. Just like you and me in every single way except for their circumstances in this specific point in our human history. Acts of war, violence and genocide occur when the very characteristics we all maintain on some level – but mainly fear – boil over into uncontrollable delusion in enough people to cause widespread damage.

Taking responsibility for ourselves means we are not helpless. It means we are not unwitting victims of some poisoned arm of humanity, but rather responsible for weeding out fear in ourselves. Because anything we do here, happens there. Any time we overcome a fear based judgement in ourselves, we help to elevate humanity to a higher level of consciousness. By taking responsibility for ourselves rather than sitting back and pointing the finger or throwing our hands up in apathy we surely develop a more productive approach to life.

It may be easier to take on the role of victim and separate ourselves from the atrocities which occur in other countries, adding it to our ever growing list of reasons why life on earth is doomed and humanity is an evil stain on the planet, but what good does that do?

And what good can we actually do? What is in our power to change?

I can only speak for myself, but I could do with – among may things – fostering a greater awareness in my daily life. I could be less quick to think about what’s in it for me and consider others more. I could be more grateful for every moment I get to walk upon this glorious earth and be more vigilant with thoughts of negativity, fear and resentment.

And that’s just the beginning. I have a long way to go to become that person my heart longs to embody. If embarking on that journey is not my sole purpose for being alive on this planet, then I don’t know what is.

If anything, I have a GREATER responsibility to humanity because I am blessed to live in a country which is free from war.

It doesn’t mean I need to go out and join the peace corps if that’s not the direction my life is heading, but it does mean I need to open my eyes and my ears and my heart to ways in which I can serve, today. Ways in which I can rise above my own destructive thinking and behaviours in order to elevate us all as a whole.

Obviously, there are many ways to do this. But tomorrow, there is an opportunity to participate in one of the world’s greatest global gatherings for peace without leaving your own home.

Tomorrow morning I’ll be participating in the Global Meditation for Peace because I think intention matters and I believe with all my heart that I can make a difference by showing up as I am with what I have, including my confusion, my fledgling faith and my faults.

In fact, showing up as we are for a cause as worthy as Peace on Earth, is probably the most courageous act we can ever take.

global meditationWe can make a difference. You can join me here.

Follow the link to register for the event and follow the #IAMPEACE hashtag on social media.

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The ride of my life Wed, 06 Aug 2014 16:15:33 +0000 Keep reading...]]> Here in the Riviera Nayarit on Mexico’s Pacific coast there are early morning beach walks, delicious meals and lots of relaxing by the pool to be had.



Pool sideBut my favourite days are Tuesdays and Saturdays when I drive forty minutes south to the surfing town of Sayulita to attend a recovery meeting.

At first I thought it would be a bit of a drag driving so far to go to a meeting. They do have meetings here in La Peñita, in Spanish, and also an English speaking one in the nearby beach resort town of Guayabitos, but they are on a hiatus for the summer as the gringos return to their northern homes.

Sayulita is the closest English speaking recovery meeting operating during the hot, humid summer and so twice a week I bundle into the car with a chilled bottle of water to make the trek.

This drive is one of the most beautiful forty minutes of my week. I crank my music and sing at the top of my lungs as I pass wobbly old trucks stacked high with ripe pineapples, marveling at the beauty of the tropical jungle which enfolds the road like a warm embrace.

Jungle mexicoMy cracked wind shield… it had to happen some time.

I think about how I came to be driving along this road, a certified gringa in my mud-covered Mexican car which has carried me to so many places within this amazing country and beyond to Belize and Guatemala.

I think about my first recovery sponsor telling me in the early days of my sobriety (which I navigated as shakily as a newborn foal), “Hang onto your seat girl, you’re in for the ride of your life!”

I think about how she didn’t know exactly what was in store for me but that she new it would better than what I’d experienced so far, and how that must have given me a sense of faith before I knew what one was.

I wonder if driving along a jungle road in Mexico, returning the waves of the cheeky road workers who probably expect me not to and belting out this song while gratitude and joy pervades my every cell was what she meant.

Sometimes I think about all the hundreds (thousands?) of people I’ve had the privilege of meeting in recovery rooms all over the world, from Bangkok to Beijing to Bali, Guatemala and Mexico and I think about what a shame it would have been if I’d missed out on all this.

I think about how I can never, ever, explain how recovery has cracked my life open in every conceivable way and started me on a journey so rich; so filled with discovery, connection and love and pain; good pain, the kind that heals.

I used to sit in meetings and think, “Fuck, my life has come to this,” and now I think, “Fuck! My life has come to this!!!!!” and I feel humbled and grateful and beyond blessed that my greatest failures have led to my biggest discoveries about myself; about life; about the power of true human connection.

Sometimes, like the other day, I think about my friends; my girlfriends from back home who have known me almost my whole life and who have stuck around and supported me through everything and a pang of sadness rips through me that I cannot be in their presence to curl up with a cup of tea for a chat.

Then I just feel so blessed for the messages and calls and photos we share, about their job or their kids or the Kardashians, and about how sometimes one of them will ask me for advice which completely and utterly floors me; they they are asking me for advice on life which I clearly have more questions than answers about.

And I think that maybe that is what is what the people at my first meeting meant when they told me, “Keep coming back, it gets better.”

When I pull into the entrance of Sayulita, there is often a young man who navigates the pot-holed road on crutches, his legs twisted under him like driftwood. His strong brown hand clutches a used yoghurt pot in which to receive coins.

As I deposit some change and say hello, his smile, so genuine and glowing and joyful gives me enough inspiration to see me through to the next time.

People are amazing. People in small towns and villages and cities all over the world are overcoming and transcending their circumstances in quiet, humble ways and witnessing it gives me the impetus to continue overcoming mine.

I drive through the touristy town of Sayulita filled with quaint boutiques, taco stands and beer stores, while seedy vendors try to sell weed and coke to amped up surfer wannabes and holiday makers who don’t know any other way to relax than getting totally loaded.

I’ve been there, but I’m not there anymore, and in spite of the occasional desire for instant gratification via the consumption of mood altering substances, I’m grateful I don’t have to be.

Sometimes I buy a vanilla ice cream loaded with chunks of chocolate and gooey caramel, which really should be classified as a class A drug for how utterly ecstasy inducing it is. It doesn’t make me abandon myself and say something I don’t mean or become rude or arrogant or miserable, however, so I think I’m okay with it.

I pull up outside the meeting room on a dirt road in a local neighbourhood, where tiny children wearing only their underwear run around barefoot amidst stacks of green coconuts and piles of trash.

The sign over the door says it all as I walk in to see my new friends, who seem as happy to see me as I am them. And I sit down, grateful to this journey for always bringing me home.


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The day Mexico lost Sun, 03 Aug 2014 15:20:15 +0000 Keep reading...]]> The day Mexico lost to Holland in the world cup, we woke early to sip strong coffee on the roof terrace and watch the sun rise over the mountains.

sunrise mexicoDeciding to take an early morning road trip, we bundled into the car and headed north on winding jungle roads.

Chacala MexicoThe town of Chacala was just waking up as we padded along its shores in the post-dawn light.

We kept driving. The road snaked through hillsides and dense green jungle. We arrived in another tiny town which consisted of a few shacks on the beach.

Mexico oyster manFishermen were shucking oysters and preparing their catch for the day. I asked this man how much one oyster was. I remembered my friend Penny telling us about a time she ate oysters straight off the rocks and it had sounded to me so utterly wild, like the way food was meant to be eaten.

“For you?” he replied.

“Nada,” he continued, before silently shucking one, dousing it in seawater, squeezing lime over it and presenting it to me.

lime oyster Mexico

Oyster Mexico

oyster eating Mexico

Sarah Somewhere oyster Mexico


The road beckoned us still further north past miles of deserted coastline until we arrived in the small fishing town of San Blas. We drove around the town for a bit then decided to head back to the oyster place for an early lunch.

As we were departing the town, we passed a roadside grill presenting bright orange lobsters and huge, sizzling marlin steaks.

“Turn the car around!” I blurted out suddenly, remembering that fresh, cheap seafood is one of my reasons for living.

Tyrhone followed my order and did a U-turn next to a crocodile infested lagoon, bringing us back to the grill laden with creatures of the deep.

Mexico-lobster-grillThe world cup football game was blasting from a television inside the restaurant and was almost half way through. The crowd, though dressed for the occasion, were rather mellow. They sipped from over-sized bottles of Coca Cola and picked at huge shared plates of fish, salsa, rice and tortillas.

restaurant-san-Blas-MexicoHe’s not cheering, he’s stretching…

We ordered and sat down to watch some of the game. The score was zero all. We were in with a chance.

lobsterThe food arrived.

Tyrhone seafoodMexico scored a goal. I rose to clap and cheer along with the crowd but seemed to be the most excited spectator. Maybe I was really cheering for the meal. Haven’t you ever wanted to do that? Or perhaps I was overcompensating for the fact that the locals might think I was Dutch. Tyrhone wearing the opposition’s colours certainly didn’t  help.

With just a few minutes left in the last half, Holland scored.


Our stomachs full, we watched on, slightly nauseated as Holland were awarded a penalty just before the end of time.



When the siren sounded about ten guys rose from their seats, shook their heads and headed back to work.

I was heartbroken for those guys in the tiny town of San Blas who could have really done with something to celebrate at work that day.

It was so very disappointing to lose on a penalty. Especially one, I might add, which was total bullshit (and yes, I am biased).

The crowd took it in their stride. I perhaps took it a little too hard and was surprised there wasn’t more of an uproar.

Sunset MexicoThat evening, we returned to the roof terrace of Casa El Panorama, the BnB we are house sitting, to watch the sun set over the Pacific. The tiny isla in the center of Jaltemba bay lit up like an erupting volcano.

It kinda put things in perspective. Reflecting on a day of jungle roads, tiny coves, deserted beaches and fresh seafood, I mused that while Mexico may have lost their world cup match, they were winning in ways much of the world could only dream about.

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Don’t wait for your dreams to make you happy Wed, 30 Jul 2014 15:46:52 +0000 Keep reading...]]> Aah life… it’s a funny thing. Will we ever understand it? I don’t think so. I sure don’t. These days I look at life as an ever-changing, ever-flowing energy which is always on the move.

As a result, my ideas and attitudes are always evolving, shifting and transmuting.

Like that word? Me too, though I’m not entirely sure what it means.

Anyhoo, I’ve been feeling pretty lucky and very blessed lately. I’ve been thinking about the hard times and the good times; the lows and the highs. I’ve been thinking about the future and reflecting on the past, and while I do this, life goes on, always moving, shifting, transforming.

Lo-de-MarcosI have dreams.

I want to publish a book which will connect with people in some way, I want to run retreats in Bali and Mexico and I’m thinking I might want to teach yoga or meditation some day.

My dream is moving very slowly, but it is moving, and I have no doubt that whatever the result of my future, all will be well.

Which means that all is well right now, even though all my dreams have not yet manifested or come into fruition.

It scares me that I might miss out on ‘now’ in pursuit of the future. I have been doing it my whole life and it is something I really want to unlearn.

Because life is life. It is unpredictable and un-graspable (yes I made that one up). I am a part of it but not in control of it.

There is nowhere to ‘arrive’ at but rather a series of moments to experience, which thread together in a way I will never fully be able to perceive.

My moments are limited. I don’t want to miss any through distraction, worry, projection or fear.

Also, just because I have a dream, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. We hear all sorts of advice about making your dreams come true, and for the most part I do believe that if you want something, go get it, do it, be it.

It’s just that as I get older I can see that only focusing on my dreams for the future detracts from this precious moment I am experiencing right now.


It’s a constant challenge to stay grounded in the here and now.

I don’t mean I am going to abandon my dreams and meditate under a tree forever. I am not the Buddha. I do feel that there is work for me to do down here in order to transform myself and others.

I just know that it starts right now, in this moment, and continues with my ability to roll with the waves of life as they happen, rather than trying to control their trajectory.

Not everyone can make their dreams come true. Not everyone can have exactly what they want when they want it, and not everyone knows what will make them happy (I don’t). You may agree with that or disagree, but I believe that by being fully awake to this moment, anyone can experience the fullness of the flowing current of life, no matter what their external circumstances.

It requires commitment and dedication as well as the conscious action to ‘check in’ with the deepest, truest part of myself on a regular basis, lest I get lost in the noise of the outside world which always leaves me wanting. Being free of the desire for external fulfillment is not a goal I have achieved completely myself yet, but I’m practicing.

Because I know on a deep level that seeing my dreams through to fruition, while an important part of my journey here, is not the whole journey. I do not know what the future holds for me and therefore cannot place my happiness in the hands of a goal which may or may not happen.

I know that fulfillment exists here and now, by simply taking a moment to recognise that I am alive. To be grateful that I am part of this mysterious flow, that I get to experience the breeze on my skin and the breath in my lungs.

For we are one and the same, the breeze and I, always moving, ever-changing, and we have this one precious and glorious moment to dance together on earth. And if that isn’t enough to fill me with joy, then nothing else ever will be.


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A note from eternity Sun, 27 Jul 2014 16:07:06 +0000 Keep reading...]]> eternityEternity sent me a note, and I thought I’d share it with you.

Precious Child of the Universe, you know who you are.

Come closer.

Unburden yourself of your past; step out of your old ideas and learned opinions.

You recognize the truth in your heart which hums with the life force of your essence.


Trust the wisdom which calls from within, which has always called. It never gives up; requires no rest; experiences no indecision or insecurity.

Shed the shackles you bound yourself with to escape your pain. The pain which came from knowing but being afraid to express it.

Return to what you’ve always known; return to the truth you are born of.

Worry not where others may be, they will find their way. They are already here even though they may not realise it. We are timeless; you and I and them; there is nothing to fear.

Come closer. Recognize our union; inseparable.

It’s okay to know it.

It’s the only thing you can ever know for sure.

Liberate yourself from the bondage of your mind, it knows not what it does. Why do you give it so much power? Its power is an illusion, born of false belief. You thought it was you, and you were it, until it’s tyranny forced you out. You escaped.

You wandered in the wilderness, searching for answers from others. Those you did not know taught you best. Their lessons found their way into your unspoken questions and unraveled them like a ball of twine. They spoke to your divinity and recognized your limitlessness before you were ready to.

The greatest teachers had no designs for your life, no motives other than igniting your freedom.

They kneaded your anxiety like dough and aerated your fear. They tempted your darkness into the light with the sweet honey of compassion.

They transformed you via their own awakening. Do you think they followed the rules? No, they negotiated their own. Theirs demanded no adherence, merely unveiled what always was.

You are alone and connected at once. Free to co-create. Once the truth is known it is never unknown. Move forward.

Eternity awaits.


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Let it go. Thu, 24 Jul 2014 18:46:35 +0000 Keep reading...]]> “The spiritual life is never one of achievement. It is always one of letting go.”

- Anonymous

What are you hanging on to? What burdens your waking hours and haunts your dreams?

The things we hang on to change the course of our lives. They inform our decisions, our interactions, relationships and attitudes.

The more we hang on to, the less freedom we have.

Letting go isn’t always as easy as saying it. We hang on to things that we aren’t willing to face and feel fully. Everything that happens to us must be fully felt in order to be let go of. When we dive and duck and resist the pain, it sticks to us and follows us anyway.

It niggles like a stone in our shoe. In order to remove the stone we need to admit it’s there and is causing us discomfort.

We need to take the stone in our hand; hold it and feel its shape and weight; observe its colour and texture. We need to get intimate with the thing which is bothering us, even if it seems silly.

And when we truly know it and fully feel it, we need to throw that motherfucking stone away.

It doesn’t serve us and it doesn’t belong in our shoe.

Let it go.

Let it ALL go.

Be brave enough to face those stones which keep you trapped in suffering. You have them. Everyone has them. I have many, and because I constantly accumulate them as I walk the path of life, letting go is a daily exercise.

What are the stones in your shoe? Only you can remove them. Only you can face them and feel them and throw them away.

Imagine if everyone let go of One Thing which keeps them in a destructive pattern. And old hurt, a past mistake, a current resentment.

We choose to hang on. Our ego mind likes something to chew on, for it requires fuel for its survival.

But we are not our egos. We are not our past hurts and regrets. Beneath all the noise we are unfaltering, unwavering love. We are made from it and for it. Until we fully realise the love which flows through our entire being and is available to us in each moment, we stay separated and alone because we don’t understand what we are.

Let it go.

Let go of the thing you know you need to. Why punish yourself? Do you think there is a human alive who hasn’t hurt someone or been hurt or made mistakes? Do you think there is anyone who has avoided the pain of loss and life?

untetthered soul cover

I’m reading a brilliant book right now called The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer. This book excites me more than anything I’ve read in a while. I feel like it was written just for me because it speaks to the truest parts of myself and describes my psyche to a tea. Which is a rather scarey thing.

I’ve finally come to realise that my thought life has been the source of my suffering my whole life.

I’m ready to let it go.

It is an ongoing, minute by minute process. Letting go takes courage and commitment. It requires constant awareness. Absolute self-forgiveness.

Moving beyond the ego is the warrior’s path, and I believe we are all warriors. It’s uncharted territory which does not come with a map but we are led by the unfaltering wisdom of our spirit.

Our destination: Love. Peace. Awareness.

Let go of the thoughts and emotions which distract you from the beauty of the present. Let go of people’s opinions, because they are always gonna have ‘em. And believe me, you cannot be fully yourself and please everyone.

Pleasing everyone requires you to become a chameleon. I’ve lived like that and it is freaking horrible. Everyone was happy with me except me.

I love this line from the book,

“You are just standing on one little ball of dirt and spinning around one of the stars. From that perspective, do you really care what people think about your clothes or your car?”

From that perspective, are you really willing to hang onto all that mental and emotional baggage which prevents you from fully experiencing the miracle which is your life?

Let it go.

Sit quietly and feel what niggles you. As each person or event or hurt comes up, feel the emotion attached to it. Allow it to expand within you. Feel the weight of the pain; the pain that comes from living and loving and learning.

Be brave enough to face it all. It didn’t kill you the first time so it won’t kill you now. Feel it, verbalise it, write it out. You might have to take some action like making an apology, which our egos avoid at all cost. Believe me, I have made many, and while they are tough, they are the path to freedom.

You may need to forgive someone. Do it because you cannot be free until you do.

Then let go of it all with love and respect for what it (or they) taught you.

Everyone deserves to walk the earth in freedom, and often, we are the gatekeepers of our own emotional prisons. You hold the key. Unlock it and walk free.

Let it go.

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