http://sarahsomewhere.com Dancing with the Divine Sun, 22 May 2016 16:12:17 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Video – The Divine Dance of Daring to be Magnificent http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/05/12/video-daring-magnificent/ http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/05/12/video-daring-magnificent/#respond Thu, 12 May 2016 14:28:46 +0000 http://sarahsomewhere.com/?p=13269 Keep reading...]]> Yesterday I filmed an impromptu video about the Divine Dance of surrendering to the magnificence of our own soul. You know, the kind of thing you start thinking about during your second morning coffee…

Thank you for watching.

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Join me on retreat in Bali July 17-23 for a week of connection, meditation, yoga and DANCE…

It’s going to be MAGNIFICENT!!!!!! 

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All The Things I Did Not Do (a poem) http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/05/06/all-the-things-i-did-not-do/ http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/05/06/all-the-things-i-did-not-do/#comments Fri, 06 May 2016 15:49:56 +0000 http://sarahsomewhere.com/?p=13257 Keep reading...]]> I did not buy the cheap house on the island no-one knew about.

I did not finish the course.

I did not climb Mt Sinai.

Or publish the book.

I didn’t start that business I mapped out in my mind.

I did not learn Spanish.

 

I did not attend my graduation ceremony.

I did not build the empire.

I didn’t tell him I didn’t want to.

I did not trust my greatness.

Or follow that sensible path.

 

I did not settle for my DNA.

I did not accept there wasn’t more.

I did not leave the bar when asked.

I did not tell the truth.

I did not give up on beauty.

 

on beauty

All these things I did not do, but what I did, I did instead.

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Beyond the Beyond in Holbox http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/05/01/beyond-the-beyond/ http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/05/01/beyond-the-beyond/#comments Sun, 01 May 2016 18:19:41 +0000 http://sarahsomewhere.com/?p=13205 Keep reading...]]> A snippet from our recent Journey to Shine retreat on isla Holbox, Mexico which I’ll never be able to describe as anything other than ‘Beyond the Beyond’…

Talk amongst the group had been on Flamingos; Were they going to be here? When did the season start?

Agatha had a dream about thousands of flamingos flying toward her and through her and said it felt beautiful.

Irene said that according to Lonely Planet, they arrived in April some time, so maybe we would see them.

‘Oh, then we definitely will,’ I decided.

On the morning of the boat trip, Deborah and Fernanda were (stylishly) late to the meeting point, so I waited behind and sent the rest of the girls off toward the boats anchored in front of Villas Flamingos.

Flamingos Holbox

When the last two arrived, we made our way past the infinity-symbol-shaped swimming pool and down the steps into the emerald sea.

Being at the back of the pack, I paused to take a photo of this magnificent scene with my phone – beautiful women walking on water, skirts hitched up and Frida bags overhead.

Maru turned around to offer her signature peace sign.

Holbox Villas Flamingos

Snap. Beyond perfection, I thought.

And just then, off to our right, a single pink brush stroke appeared in the sky.

“Flamingo! Flamingoooooo!!!!!” I called out, pointing in awe and amazement as she gracefully arced overhead.

Our jaws dropped and we all shrieked as she carved her path through the air, blessing our journey with her presence.

We called her in and she came. In that moment the veil between the physical and ethereal realms was lifted and we knew our power. As women. As creators. As Goddesses.

When we arrived the boat, the captain said he hadn’t seen any yet – she was the first one of the entire season.

Later, we leapt off the boat to swim with dolphins in the open water, shrieking like children about miracles and magic but by then, we had become accustomed to Dancing with the Divine.

And that was just one day.

Holbox Villas FlamingosVillas FlamingosKundalini yoga retreatflor de la vidayoga retreat Holbox

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My next Journey to Shine retreat is in Bali, July 17-23. JOIN US FOR ANOTHER WEEK OF MAGIC AND MIRACLES!!!!!

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Video – Divine Dance Unleashed http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/04/11/video-divine-dance-unleashed/ http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/04/11/video-divine-dance-unleashed/#comments Mon, 11 Apr 2016 14:17:56 +0000 http://sarahsomewhere.com/?p=13166 Keep reading...]]> I haven’t danced for anyone else in a really long time. I lead a weekly Divine Dance session with a group of amazing women here in Playa –  we dance to an hour-long playlist and close with relaxation and a guided meditation on our unique awesomeness.

I am never happier than when I glance around the studio and see ‘my girls’ rocking out or when a woman hugs me with tears in her eyes after class because she ‘hasn’t moved like that in years.’

After our session this past Saturday, I felt like I still needed to say some things.

So, I said them. And I filmed what came out.

There were no planned steps, routines or rehearsals (except 35 years of dancing around the living room), just me, the music and the dance. I danced the song 5 times (hence the sweat) and put it together in one clip.

I hope you enjoy it. I did.

*If Youtube pull the audio, the song accompanying the dance is ‘Say Something’ by A Big New World. 

“When there are no more words, there is the dance.” – Me. 

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Video soul session (from the heart) http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/04/03/video-soul-session-heart/ http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/04/03/video-soul-session-heart/#comments Sun, 03 Apr 2016 20:37:16 +0000 http://sarahsomewhere.com/?p=13152 Keep reading...]]> I made this short video to connect with you about the path of self honoring and living from the heart that so many of us are currently exploring. I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you for watching! Please share this with anyone in your life who may benefit from it.

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There is ONE room left on our Journey to Shine women’s retreat on idyllic Holbox island starting April 17. Join us for an amazing week of sacred feminine connection in paradise. 

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Daring to follow my heart http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/03/28/daring-to-follow-my-heart/ http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/03/28/daring-to-follow-my-heart/#comments Mon, 28 Mar 2016 15:17:23 +0000 http://sarahsomewhere.com/?p=13108 Keep reading...]]> “Follow your heart.” It’s a well-known phrase to describe a lesser-known path.

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In fact, it’s a path which is entirely unknown, making it too risky for many.

I should know – I spent the first 29 years of my life in various stages of denial of this path, then the next six letting go of the many illusions I’d collected along the way which blocked me from it.

Then, quite suddenly (although 35 years is not really so sudden) my heart was handed to me. You’d think after such mistreatment and neglect, it would have been close to death or at the very least dysfunctional, but I’m pleasantly surprised to say that it’s in pristine, perfect order.

Turns out that it has been in perfect order all this time. Through all my denial, addiction, separation, confusion, and yes, suffering.

In fact, it was during the suffering that my heart was actually doing it’s most sacred work of guiding me back to it.

Through it’s messenger system – my emotions – it sent out all manner of distress calls, to let me know that I’d wandered far off its desired course.

Through my experiences to date, I’ve learned this:

If I act in alignment with my heart’s desires, the Universe will support me. If I act in opposition to my heart’s desires, the Universe will support me and it will show me this through suffering. The Universe loves me so much, that it is always supporting my true heart’s desires, even when I don’t.

The heart knows. It just does. We can deny it, run from it, bypass it, try to cover it over, look away, stick our fingers in our ears and sing ‘nah nah nah nah nah,’ but that doesn’t change the fact that it knows.

It knows because that’s it’s entire job.

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While the physical heart keeps our blood flowing through our body temple to maintain its health and aliveness, the spiritual heart, our sacred heart, keeps our soul’s desires flowing through our consciousness.

It’s just unfortunate that we are not taught this at a young age, but rather encouraged to take our cues on how to live from external sources – sources which have NO IDEA of our soul’s desires.

I lived that way until about age thirty, when I was struck with the bizarre feeling that I’d been asleep and had woken up in someone else’s life.

Even when we discover that the result of not following our heart is disconnection and emptiness, it’s still a daring proposition to follow the path of the heart because it is by it’s very nature, uncharted territory.

There are no trail maps for a journey such as this, just guide posts like ‘Pause,’ ‘Breathe,’ and ‘Listen.’

recognize that you are the truth

Following the heart means stepping into a brave new world  because the soul’s desires are live streamed in real time with no regard for our history, our age, our culture or what our family expects.

We have no crowds to follow behind either, just support crews to encourage us with words like ‘You got this!” ‘You rock! and ‘Trust yourself!’

Along with the support crews, however, are the judges and silent scorners. Yet even they are calling us into our heart for we must practice deep self-love and compassion in order understand that they are simply afraid, just as we once were.

They may call us selfish or weird, but the truth is that people who impact humanity positively don’t please people. They change them. Not by telling others what to do but by following their heart at all costs.

Despite the challenges, however, I believe this is where true freedom lies.

It takes some getting used to and a lot practice to let go of others’ expectations (a well as our own!), but now that I’ve tasted the sweetness of my heart’s true path and the liberation it delivers, there’s no turning back.

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I’ve been so used to doing things in order to be successful, but I’m realizing that the only thing I can ever truly succeed at is being me. Fully, completely, unashamedly.

In every moment, your heart is speaking to you, guiding you to experience your most alive and fulfilled Self.

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Do you dare follow it?

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I read and shared this article by the late great Wayne Dyer this week and it resonated with a lot of people (including me): Six Principles for Living an Inspired Life. 

Join me and an amazing group of women for the ‘Journey to Shine’ yoga and divine dance retreat in three weeks! We have ONE place left! Come and connect with the light of your heart <3 

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Learning the Lost Art of Radical Self Honoring http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/03/08/learning-the-lost-art-of-radical-self-honoring/ http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/03/08/learning-the-lost-art-of-radical-self-honoring/#comments Tue, 08 Mar 2016 16:15:10 +0000 http://sarahsomewhere.com/?p=13081 Keep reading...]]> Today is International Women’s Day. Tonight, I’m co-ordinating an event in honor of the Unify Global Sisterhood. On this day, all over the world, women will gather together to connect, meditate and heal, which will have a massive impact on the energy of our planet.

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Things are changing. Like I wrote about in my last post, I can feel it in my bones.

To say my life has changed since becoming single would be a severe understatement.

But while the external circumstances of my life have certainly played a role in the transformation I am experiencing, it’s the internal seismic shifts which have directed it all.

Three months ago (to the day) I told the truth. I told the truth my body and mind and heart had been screaming at me for months but which I had been terrified of admitting to myself.

I told the truth about just about one thing, which at the time happened to be, “I’m not going.”

This small statement marked a massive turning point for me. It chipped through the egg-shell of denial I had built around my heart and allowed it to beat again.

The relief was sensate. I felt like I could take a full breath.

The thing about honoring one truth is that it opens up a space for more truth to find you.

This is what happened for me. The truth rushed in to carry me and I swear in my whole life I’ve never felt so guided by Grace.

Being able to act from love instead of fear made the breakup an extremely healing experience for me.

It stripped away lifetimes of karmic cycles in it’s wake.

Basically, I told the truth and chose me (my desires, my needs, my inner calling) over someone else for the first time in my life.

This has resulted in me learning the greatest lesson of my life:

If I do not honor myself, I simply cannot honor anyone else, and I certainly cannot expect them to honor me.

It all begins with me.

In the weeks and months which have followed that day, I have literally felt my life force returning to me. The energy I put into bypassing the truth was draining me more than I ever realised.

My friends have been looking at me, mouths agape and eyes wide, saying, “You look…. really GOOD.”

And rather than swatting away their comments, I say thank you and tell them that I feel GOOD.

I share my story with them about the inner lessons I am learning and many of them can relate to not honoring themselves fully.

This journey of radical self honoring (because it is a radical concept for most women) is something I practice every day.

Just last night, I had dinner plans with wonderful friends. Friends I love. But as evening fell and the wind howled outside and my eyes felt heavy, I knew I did not want to go. Once upon a time I would completely bypassed this feeling because there were plans to keep and people to please.

But I just can’t do that anymore.

I sent my apologies with love, unplugged my phone and played Krishna Das on loud while I made myself dinner, chanting “Om Navah Shivaya,” in honor of the Hindu celebration of Shiva.

It may seem like a small thing, but this is really huge for me. I have never been taught this stuff, so I am fumbling through, with only my beating heart as my guide.

Turns out, that is all the guidance I ever needed.

Today is also a New Moon in Pisces, and a solar eclipse. I’m not an astrologer but I’ve been taking an interest and feeling more connected than ever to the Universe around me.

Because the truth is that I am a part of it. As a woman, I am deeply connected to the cycles of the moon and planets. When you consider the concept of e-motion as ‘energy in motion,’ it’s no wonder we often feel overwhelmed by our feelings, and yet, we have been taught to suppress rather than honor them.

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I’ve had the opportunity to practice radical Self-honoring a LOT. I’ve nurtured myself through sickness, cleared my calendar on days when my energy was low and have started saying ‘no’ more times than I say ‘yes’, none of which is second nature to me.

Now, the times I say ‘yes’ are fully aligned with the truth of my soul which makes life vastly more fulfilling.

The paradox of all this is that I know I am here to live a life of service to others, particularly women. But in order to do that, I must, must, must, begin with me first. I must fill my cup so that it may naturally overrun, rather than trying to give what I do not have myself.

‘Pushing through’ has been my default setting my entire life and I have suffered a lot from that way of living.

I’ve also let go of projects that I’ve poured hundreds of hours into because they no longer feel like a fit, which brings me to another important lesson:

Just because you are committed to something doesn’t mean you cannot change course.

In fact, if you don’t follow the call of your heart, the thing you are committed to will simply not flourish the way something you are fully aligned with, will.

On this journey of Self-honoring, I know in my heart that we must support each other, rather than judge. I am keenly aware of the blessed life I’ve been given, and also aware of the responsibility I have to help others as a natural result of that.

So no matter what your circumstances are on this day, know that you are part of a Global Sisterhood who are gathering today in your honor. Your struggles are not for nought. As my beautiful sister Holly says, You Matter.

We are all in this together, attempting to heal ourselves so that we may may heal humanity.

The time has come for women to realize the creative, healing power within them, so that we restore the Earth to balance and live in harmony once more.

It all begins with us.

Arundhati Roy

Happy International Women’s Day and New Moon, sisters. Please share this message with the women in your life. 

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There are two places left on my ‘Journey to Shine’ retreat in Holbox this April. Join us <3 

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Remembering Her, Re-membering Me http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/02/24/remembering-her-re-membering-me/ http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/02/24/remembering-her-re-membering-me/#comments Wed, 24 Feb 2016 14:15:48 +0000 http://sarahsomewhere.com/?p=13045 Keep reading...]]> Transformation is cyclical, with no beginning or ending. Something is continually calling us forth; creating us.

I’m currently experiencing one of the most radical re-births of my life. I’ve already experienced many, and I’ll experience many more, but this one isn’t pulling out any stops.

Nothing is what I thought it was. All my ideas about myself, about relationships and about life have been carried away to make way for a new way of being based on radical Self-honoring.

I’m being called to deeply nourish myself, body, mind and soul, for what feels like the first time in my life. And that shift has set a tsunami of Self awakening in motion. I am seeing where I have been starving myself and as a result, how I allowed others to starve me too.

I am beyond grateful for what is being revealed to me, for I know this is my work here; to learn, to grow, to heal; to teach. 

Through cultivating my relationship with the Divine Feminine I am re-membering myself, and it’s the most exciting time in my life so far.

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So I wrote a poem about it:

She dreams me in order to remember Herself. 

The stage was set with precision to create my dis-membering, sending me on my destiny path.

I cut away pieces of myself to fit through the narrow mold my family and society called me through.

I severed my intuition and shaved away the expansiveness of my soul so that the shape of me would fit in with the others who has also dis-membered themselves. 

But She dreams me in order to remember Herself; I am a vital piece of Her cosmic equation.

Hearing Her whispers, I am remembering; waking within the dream I am becoming Her lucid expression. 

She calls me forth; unfurls me. 

That which was cut away was not lost but simply pruned; the wholeness of Her lives in my bones and my blood; dormant and patient. 

She understands the natural cycles of Creation, knows that conditions must be ripe in order for the seed to flourish and bloom. 

She guides me via an internal drum beat; the secret She coded into me at the moment of my incarnation. This is where my infinite memory is stored; never truly forgotten. 

As I remember Her, She re-members me. I am Her and She is Me, we are One; inseparable. 

She send me signs and symbols that connect with the forgotten depths of my Self, signs I recognize but cannot explain with logic or reason.

I allow Her to adorn my body with Her memory as a symbol of my commitment to never forget again. 

flower of life

Her call is so powerful, so nurturing, so sure. Through Her life is a sensual delight; a Divine dance. Her wisdom seeps forth from my eyes, layering everything with Love, reverberating back to my heart.

She nourishes me with Her medicine, cleanses me with Her ancient rituals, calls me into harmony with Her cycles. 

Through Her I am healed and reborn, prepared to carry the flame of Creation.

Our dance together requires no thinking on my part, simply surrender.

I’m re-membering everything I’ve always been; everything I am; everything She dreams me to be. 
remembering her

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In less than two months I’ll be gathering in a sacred circle of Divine Feminine connection for the Journey to Shine retreat in Holbox, Mexico. JOIN US!

In July, we’re doing it in BALI! <3 

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BIG LOVE http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/02/14/big-love/ http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/02/14/big-love/#comments Sun, 14 Feb 2016 14:36:27 +0000 http://sarahsomewhere.com/?p=13008 Keep reading...]]> Happy Valentines!

It’s my first single Valentines Day in a decade and I’m realizing that I am a die-hard romantic.

I posted on Facebook a while ago (when making the requisite changes to my profile, given my new situation) that I wished there was a relationship status of  ‘Embarking on a passionate love affair with oneself.’

Because the ‘single’ status seems to send a different vibe to what I’m currently cultivating.

And where I’m at is a place of deeply and unconditionally honoring my most important relationship – my relationship to Self.

I have never, ever been at this place before.

I have never, ever given myself so much attention, care or compassion.

I have never, ever really honored myself, nourished myself or dare I say, romanced myself like I currently am.

It’s a Whole New World I’m stepping into, with no road map except this new consciousness of self-love which is arising within me.

My yoga and meditation practice is stronger than ever and has been my lifeline through this recent transition; anchoring me to my Divine Self which is pure Love.

I’m so blessed to have a small yet powerful tribe of yoginis to practice with and share our experiences. The kundalini yoga path has drawn us together in a sacred circle where we empower and uplift each other.

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My twelve step recovery tribe still remains the foundation of my life. Last weekend was spent in recovery immersion – celebrating 21 years of our group (called ‘You Are Not Alone’) which attracts people in recovery from all over the world.

My skin was scorched from being on the beach and out on the water. My feet ached from dancing. My face was wrinkled from smiling and my stomach ached from laughing. My heart was full from hearing stories of hope, healing and renewal all weekend.

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Talk about being emptied out to be filled up. It was an absolute privilege to be part of the planning and execution of meetings, parties, events and excursions we put on over the weekend.

Then, there has been the dancing. In addition to my weekly Divine dance sessions, where I gather a group of women to rock out to a different playlist each week – another amazing community of women I value beyond belief –  I’ve started attending African dance classes which are accompanied by live drumming.

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Sweet Holy Mother Mary, where has this been all my life? There is something so familiar about it to me, even though I’ve only been to two classes so far.

The drumming and the movements which flow out of that sacred rhythm feel like remembering something buried deep within me and is proving to be extremely healing and liberating.

With every conscious breath, step and thought, I am burning through the karma of my family tree. I come from a line of loving, strong and resilient women who sacrificed themselves so that I could have this life. I feel them with me as I chant, breathe and move through the world.

This phase of my life is extremely important for moving out of destructive patterns when it comes to love and relationships. I’ve acted out in damaging ways in the past, but I am emerging from my history more aware and evolved.

I’m currently 30 days into a 40 day practice of meditation called ‘So Purkh.’ This meditation was passed on by Yogi Bhajan for women to clear negativity with men. It is a long and beautiful mantra which is repeated 11 times per day for at least 40 days to heal relationships, clear karma and make way for conscious partnerships.

What a beautiful surprise it was to receive an invitation from my teacher to participate in a women’s group meditation of ‘So Purkh’ for Valentines Day.

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Possibly as you are reading this, I’ll be chanting my heart out, surrounded by my spiritual sisters

I’m so grateful to have this opportunity to romance my Self. To nurture the BIG LOVE within me and cultivate this precious relationship.

While I’m in no hurry, I still have a deep faith in BIG LOVE of the romantic kind. The kind which comes from two hearts resonating to uplift each other to new heights.

I’m a hopeful (rather than hopeless) romantic because I’m discovering the unlimited capacity for love in my own heart.

I’m nurturing and honoring it and finally extending it to myself so that I may heal the inherited and self-generated karmic cycle I’ve been operating in.

So whatever your so called ‘relationship status’ is this Valentines day, please know that within you exists the BIG LOVE that the poets, mystics and musicians write about. And while it’s wonderful to have a special someone to share it with, it is indeed possible to romance your own heart.

In fact, I highly recommend it.

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Guess what? There are still places available for our ‘Journey to Shine’ Kundalini yoga and Divine dance retreat in Mexico this April!!! JOIN US!!!!

And guess what else?? I’m hosting another ‘Journey to Shine’ Yoga, meditation and Divine dance retreat in BALI in July and all the details are here. COME!!!

 

 

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A home of my own http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/01/25/a-home-of-my-own/ http://sarahsomewhere.com/2016/01/25/a-home-of-my-own/#comments Mon, 25 Jan 2016 14:45:49 +0000 http://sarahsomewhere.com/?p=12926 Keep reading...]]> I’ve missed you guys. The last few months I’ve been relatively quiet here, processing the major internal and external shifts in my reality. I’m good. I’m really good. And I don’t say that flippantly with a plastered smile, I say it from my heart. My bleeding, slightly battered, open, hopeful heart.

The heart that is leading me places I never dreamed because I never deemed myself worthy of them; couldn’t even conceive of them being possible.

Until…

I’ve experienced a few seismic shifts in my life. Some have been excruciating – rock bottom; early recovery. Some have been terrifying – uprooting my life in Australia; jumping out of a plane; driving across India in an auto-rickshaw.

Some have been revelatory – discovering Kundalini yoga, writing and running my first e-retreat; organizing my first meditation retreat in Bali.

The most recent shift, however – choosing to continue my journey solo, has been one of the most defining, and yet, unlike many of my previous shifts, has not crippled me emotionally.

That is not to say I have not experienced a sense of sadness, loss or grief. I have. Moments of resentment – indeed. But these emotional states have passed through as they are meant to (e-motion: energy in motion) and left me more whole and intact in the process.

I’m surprising myself.

Life is surprising me too. It’s showing me what I’m capable of and what is possible when I trust in it. In fact, in this last month I have never felt so guided by Grace; so keenly aware that I am being taken of.

That I am truly loved.

Life has shown up for me in many ways, but mostly through people. I like to say it takes a village to raise a heart and that has been true for me these past months. Every, single, day I have received gifts from people. Like, people have physically given me stuff. Lots of stuff. Really freaking beautiful stuff. Stuff like scarves and clothing and candles and flowers; crystals and incense and chocolate.

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Stuff that I love.

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Then there has been the presence, connection and thoughtful conversation. People have been gentle with me. They’ve listened. They’ve let me speak. I have felt seen, heard, encouraged and yes, loved.

And through it all I’ve had the privilege of being able to pass that love on, through my work with other women in recovery, my Divine Dance sessions and heart to heart chats with friends going through their own challenges.

I’ve been channeling that love into preparing a magical, heart opening retreat in Holbox this April for the beautiful women who will be joining me.

And I’ve channeled it into me, becoming aware of all the areas of my life where I have been short changing myself due to a deep seated (and I mean deeeeeeeeep) unworthiness.

I’m seeing things like I’ve never seen them. Every day, more is revealed. Through my commitment to my (gentle, loving) practice of yoga, meditation, dance and self-reflection, as well as nourishing myself with good food and friends, I am being revealed to myself a little more each day.

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I recently turned 35 which is well and truly considered adult age, yet I feel like I am stepping into womanhood for the first time.

I am feeling the power of presence of the Divine Mother calling me into deep healing and expression through Her. I’m experiencing an opening of what has always been here, furled into and unto itself, somewhat dormant.

Waiting for fertile conditions.

I thought I was living and loving before, but there is always more awareness and awakening to step into and I feel like a trapdoor to a Whole New World has been opened for me.

Nothing has been wasted. There are no mistakes and I have no regrets.

Most days I am brought to my knees with gratitude. Not the sort that you check off on a list to feel better, but an inspiring, humbling awe that Life could Love me this much.

That Love is burrowing into my heart, clearing out the debris of unworthiness that I buried there as a child and carried through to all my relationships, particularly my relationship with myself. It’s turning me inside out, shaking me up, removing things and replacing them.

And every time something is replaced it’s better, brighter and fuller.

I’ve also found a home of my own. Finding a decent, reasonably priced apartment during high season in Playa del Carmen has become a laughable pursuit in recent years (yes, I literally had real estate agents laugh at me down the phone), and yet for some reason, I maintained an unshakeable faith, not just in finding a place, but in finding my place.

I looked at a few but none of them felt right and I refused to settle. Despite the pressure to just take anything. Despite the fear of not finding anything else. This is a theme I hope to carry into all areas of my life. Not settling for less than I know I am worthy of.

The words of my first recovery sponsor are ringing in my head, even though at the time she said them I stared back at her through tear-filled eyes of disbelief:

“Sarah, you deserve the best. And you are going to have it.”

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This was meant to be a post about my new home. The home I am living in alone, for the first time in my life. The home I have been filling with color, love, food and friends.

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The home which has received me with open arms and then proceeded to welcome my friends who stop buy with still more plants.

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It’s the home which makes people smile when they say, “You scored such a great place!” or “It’s just so… You!”

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But as usual, this post has revealed more of the internal space I now occupy. The foundations are being re-layed and I can feel myself being prepared for Something. I don’t know what, I just know it.

I’m coming home to my original Self; my whole, luminous, beautiful Self. Moment by moment, breath by breath, step by step. I may be living alone, but thanks to this Divine process, I’m far from lonely.

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