I’ve come to realize that all of the suffering I’ve ever experienced was based on a big lie I told at a young age.
It became such a part of my psyche, however, that I barely noticed it’s existence. It wasn’t until recent events encouraged me to look at myself through a magnifying glass of truth, that I realized how embedded it really was.
That lie was, “There’s something wrong with me.”
If you were to take that magnifying glass of truth and turn it on yourself, perhaps you will discover that this lie has been present throughout your own journey.
In fact, I pretty much guarantee that if you have experienced addiction of any kind, depression or disconnection from life, you’ve told yourself this lie at some point.
That lie again is, “There is something wrong with me.”
And if so, believe me, you’re far from alone.
I was talking to a friend about this over breakfast just the other day and she asked me, “Why the hell do you think we did this? Believed there was something wrong with us? It doesn’t make any sense now!”
We both agreed that while our lives contained some challenging experiences, they were not of themselves responsible for this lie which we told ourselves.
I hypothesized that we created this belief during the ego-development phase of childhood, when our personality was being formed. During that phase of development we were the center of our universe and were interpreting every experience through a lens of ‘what does this mean about me?’
If we perceived certain circumstances of our lives to be ‘wrong’ then we automatically assumed it must’ve been because there was something wrong with ‘us.’ This happened to be the same time the major chemical pathways of the brain were being created, which embedded this interpretation as reality.
While that hypothesis may or may not be the reason for the development of this belief (nor does it really matter), I know one thing to be true – it is total bullshit.
It’s such bullshit, in fact, that it now seems preposterous to me that I ever created it, and yet, for some reason, I did and it became the driving force of my life.
This drove me to attempt to ‘fix’ myself, which manifested in approval seeking, people pleasing, pretending, perfectionism and addiction – the latter of which served to create proof for the lie.
It was an insatiable cycle to exist within, the saddest part of all being that I wasn’t present for many of my experiences because I was always trying to get somewhere that didn’t exist.
It’s like obsessing over fixing a car for your whole life when it’s actually run perfectly the whole time.
I’m sharing this with you because I’ve come to believe, through the personal conversations I have had with many people over the last several years, that many of us still hold at least a remnant of this belief which if turned around, frees us from so much suffering.
For me, letting go of it has involved a deep dive into Truth, surrendering to the Unconditionally Loving Source of all things.
What is continually revealed to me is that nothing has or ever will be wrong with me. I am not inherently flawed and never have been. Not in my worst moments. Not in my darkest hours.
It was the belief that there was something wrong with me which created my suffering, nothing else.
A mis-belief that I wasn’t even aware of for a very long time.
The good news is that if there is nothing wrong with me, then there cannot possibly be anything wrong with you.
That’s right. There is nothing wrong with you.
I’ve also realized it was actually a pretty arrogant belief to hold. By thinking that there was something wrong with me, I was effectively separating myself from the perfection of all creation.
Thinking that the Creative Source of the Universe got the stars, the oceans, the geometric precision of snowflakes, pollination, the law of gravity and planetary alignment right but somehow along the cosmic factory line made even a tiny mistake with me is a level of delusion so great it now makes me smile.
As the layers of this lie is removed, I am embodying a state of radical self-responsibility, free of blame and victim hood.
At the same time, I’m being made me aware of my own Greatness, in that I now know I am here to receive Love, share Love and Be Love; expanding into a fuller version of myself by knowing how perfect, how whole and how Right – on every, single level – I really am.
And that feels a lot more true to me.
“Illusion is viewing yourself less desirably than the Universe does.” – Matt Kahn.
Thank you for sharing this with anyone in your life who may benefit from it <3