Learning the Lost Art of Radical Self Honoring

Today is International Women’s Day. Tonight, I’m co-ordinating an event in honor of the Unify Global Sisterhood. On this day, all over the world, women will gather together to connect, meditate and heal, which will have a massive impact on the energy of our planet.

women unify gathering

Things are changing. Like I wrote about in my last post, I can feel it in my bones.

To say my life has changed since becoming single would be a severe understatement.

But while the external circumstances of my life have certainly played a role in the transformation I am experiencing, it’s the internal seismic shifts which have directed it all.

Three months ago (to the day) I told the truth. I told the truth my body and mind and heart had been screaming at me for months but which I had been terrified of admitting to myself.

I told the truth about just about one thing, which at the time happened to be, “I’m not going.”

This small statement marked a massive turning point for me. It chipped through the egg-shell of denial I had built around my heart and allowed it to beat again.

The relief was sensate. I felt like I could take a full breath.

The thing about honoring one truth is that it opens up a space for more truth to find you.

This is what happened for me. The truth rushed in to carry me and I swear in my whole life I’ve never felt so guided by Grace.

Being able to act from love instead of fear made the breakup an extremely healing experience for me.

It stripped away lifetimes of karmic cycles in it’s wake.

Basically, I told the truth and chose me (my desires, my needs, my inner calling) over someone else for the first time in my life.

This has resulted in me learning the greatest lesson of my life:

If I do not honor myself, I simply cannot honor anyone else, and I certainly cannot expect them to honor me.

It all begins with me.

In the weeks and months which have followed that day, I have literally felt my life force returning to me. The energy I put into bypassing the truth was draining me more than I ever realised.

My friends have been looking at me, mouths agape and eyes wide, saying, “You look…. really GOOD.”

And rather than swatting away their comments, I say thank you and tell them that I feel GOOD.

I share my story with them about the inner lessons I am learning and many of them can relate to not honoring themselves fully.

This journey of radical self honoring (because it is a radical concept for most women) is something I practice every day.

Just last night, I had dinner plans with wonderful friends. Friends I love. But as evening fell and the wind howled outside and my eyes felt heavy, I knew I did not want to go. Once upon a time I would completely bypassed this feeling because there were plans to keep and people to please.

But I just can’t do that anymore.

I sent my apologies with love, unplugged my phone and played Krishna Das on loud while I made myself dinner, chanting “Om Navah Shivaya,” in honor of the Hindu celebration of Shiva.

It may seem like a small thing, but this is really huge for me. I have never been taught this stuff, so I am fumbling through, with only my beating heart as my guide.

Turns out, that is all the guidance I ever needed.

Today is also a New Moon in Pisces, and a solar eclipse. I’m not an astrologer but I’ve been taking an interest and feeling more connected than ever to the Universe around me.

Because the truth is that I am a part of it. As a woman, I am deeply connected to the cycles of the moon and planets. When you consider the concept of e-motion as ‘energy in motion,’ it’s no wonder we often feel overwhelmed by our feelings, and yet, we have been taught to suppress rather than honor them.

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I’ve had the opportunity to practice radical Self-honoring a LOT. I’ve nurtured myself through sickness, cleared my calendar on days when my energy was low and have started saying ‘no’ more times than I say ‘yes’, none of which is second nature to me.

Now, the times I say ‘yes’ are fully aligned with the truth of my soul which makes life vastly more fulfilling.

The paradox of all this is that I know I am here to live a life of service to others, particularly women. But in order to do that, I must, must, must, begin with me first. I must fill my cup so that it may naturally overrun, rather than trying to give what I do not have myself.

‘Pushing through’ has been my default setting my entire life and I have suffered a lot from that way of living.

I’ve also let go of projects that I’ve poured hundreds of hours into because they no longer feel like a fit, which brings me to another important lesson:

Just because you are committed to something doesn’t mean you cannot change course.

In fact, if you don’t follow the call of your heart, the thing you are committed to will simply not flourish the way something you are fully aligned with, will.

On this journey of Self-honoring, I know in my heart that we must support each other, rather than judge. I am keenly aware of the blessed life I’ve been given, and also aware of the responsibility I have to help others as a natural result of that.

So no matter what your circumstances are on this day, know that you are part of a Global Sisterhood who are gathering today in your honor. Your struggles are not for nought. As my beautiful sister Holly says, You Matter.

We are all in this together, attempting to heal ourselves so that we may may heal humanity.

The time has come for women to realize the creative, healing power within them, so that we restore the Earth to balance and live in harmony once more.

It all begins with us.

Arundhati Roy

Happy International Women’s Day and New Moon, sisters. Please share this message with the women in your life. 

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There are two places left on my ‘Journey to Shine’ retreat in Holbox this April. Join us <3 

Comments

Learning the Lost Art of Radical Self Honoring — 6 Comments

  1. Hi Sarah, I can so relate to your blog. I came home from mexico and fell into a deep depression. I didn’t know why since I do enjoyed my time there with my husband, he even went to meetings with me, and didn’t leave me to go drinking.
    When I got home, I guess the reality of every thing is fine wasn’t really true I’m finding out.
    Big discussions are being had.
    I’ve put my foot down and said I’m not returning to work due to my health conditions. ( I’ve also been pushing forward at all costs)
    And I’ve coming there next week by myself, but I have y’all. And Rebecca invited me to stay with her.
    I feel so brave but more terrified. My anxiety is crazy. But you know, I know it’s time!!!
    Simple words finally, im not happy when you drink.
    I’m quitting my job.
    In running away, lol.
    Any way, I luv to read your blog. It’s so relatable.
    Thanks for always listening.
    Tricia

    • Dearest Tricia, thank you so much for sharing – this stuff is so central to our lives and believe me, you are not alone. A LOT of people are going through big stuff in relationships right now, because we are in a time where things that are not based in truth are revealing themselves.

      The suffering comes in because we are conditioned to ‘follow the crowd’ and the path of least resistance rather than follow our heart. But so many of us are saying ‘enough,’ and trying something different. I know it is extremely scarey, and I can relate to your fears and anxiety. It’s totally normal to feel that way – in fact it tells me that you are getting closer to the truth (one of my favorite Buddhist teachers Pema Chodron says that!).
      So keep walking one step at a time, sister, because you have opened the doors for more truth to find you. I promise you that the reality is less scarey than you imagine it to be, and that peace and happiness awaits you. I Look forward to seeing you – message me when you get here so we can catch up and chat. Sending you so much love and respect xxx

  2. Beautiful, and something that I had only come to think about recently, actually. I read something which spoke about how women, with their best friends, should have group chats about sexual thoughts or desires, with the intention of honouring themselves. While the method might not be for everyone, the article basically explained how so many people discount their thoughts, feelings or even themselves, especially where sex is concerned. This article was particularly aimed at women, as it stated that women more routinely undervalue themselves and their place in their universe. I keep referring to “the article”, because as a man (who has only just started to REALLY think about this), I don’t feel it’s quite my place to comment on what women do and don’t think of themselves. But it certainly has me wondering, and pondering how we as men honour ourselves (or otherwise) in our own eyes.

    • Dear Tim, thank you so much for your insight! When I talk about women, what I am really referring to is the feminine aspect, which we ALL have within us (as well as the masculine). Self honoring, body, mind and spirit is so important for us all. As women, we embody the feminine which is an aspect of divinity that has been forgotten for some time. That’s why my work is being directed mostly toward women, who seem to struggle more with honoring themselves for various cultural and historical reasons, but really this is about honoring ourselves as divine beings, no matter where we sit on the continuum of male and female. I believe you are right – powerful healing occurs when women come together in sacred connection to share about their lives. And the same goes for males! What I foresee is humanity moving toward balance of the masculine and feminine – honoring both divine aspects as the ultimate expression of peace, prosperity and Love.

  3. “Just last night, I had dinner plans with wonderful friends. Friends I love. But as evening fell and the wind howled outside and my eyes felt heavy, I knew I did not want to go. Once upon a time I would completely bypassed this feeling because there were plans to keep and people to please.

    Oh. My. Gosh. How many times in my life have I wanted to just say, I’m sorry I can’t make it but rarely allowed myself to do so in fear of hurting someone’s feelings – essentially putting their feelings before mine. In this the start of my 6th decade I am learning to let go of emotional baggage I no longer wish to carry. Some of those good-byes were brutal but at the same time they were very much empowering for me. I’m choosing to live within a very small circle of those I love and those who love me, and it’s such a healthy way of living. I don’t need a wide net cast over my world. It’s true what they say, as you age you learn and I’m learning to live in the moment and move forward without regret. I told my hubby, when we were gearing up to sell our business and retire, that in this next chapter of our lives I want to live without obligation. It’s really quite freeing and I’m loving it and I’m excited to see what this next chapter will bring. Keep on swimming Sarah!
    Patti recently posted..Celebrating Norooz, the Persian New Year ~My Profile

    • Oh Patti, this is so wonderful to read!!! ‘Living without obligation’ – YES! Believe me, I’m getting a lot of opportunities to practice this and it is getting easier with time. Very happy for you, go girl!!!! <3