I used to think that discipline meant mindless dedication, but have since come to realise that the word, derived from the word disciple, means ‘student of.’
I’ve recently learned that in order to have peace, I must lovingly dedicate myself to learning about it.
If I want peace, I must love it more than I love drama; I must love it more than I love being liked. To have peace I must value it more than I value having the last word or being right.
It’s not easy to live in peace with our highly developed egos poised to react to every occurrence in our lives; hence the value of being a disciple to peace even if we can’t be masters.
My own journey with peace has been tumultuous. I’ve had to learn that I alone am responsible for my level of peace in any situation.
I’ve gotten myself in so many states of unrest over the smallest of situations and made enough valuable mistakes that today I must become a disciple of peace in order to experience it.
It must come before social status, success and other people’s expectations.
When I am in distress over a situation I cannot control (i.e most of them) I force myself to get really still and quiet while my thoughts and feelings swirl around me like a ferocious hurricane.
While it feels like I am being whipped around by its centrifugal force, there is a place deep within the beast which exists in perfect stillness. Sometimes I can barely make it out and other times I find myself held in its calm embrace. Though I may struggle to stay there, I take comfort in knowing it exists.
If I was ever to describe what God feels like to me, it’s that eye of the hurricane where all is calm and quiet and peaceful; where nothing needs to be done or managed or controlled. A state of being where no matter what is flying around me, threatening to destabilize me, I posses a deep knowing that it all is well.
It’s a place of recognizing the powerlessness of my ego with its many hurts, resentments and fears; understanding the power of what actually is: Peace.
Not everyone wants peace. For a long time I didn’t know to want it. Now I do. I want it above all else.
In order to experience peace I must dedicate myself to it and become its disciple, forgiving myself when I wander off course and spending as much time as possible seated in the eye of the hurricane, while the world spins round and round.
Mandala by the very talented Ashlie Woods.