The day Kim Kardashian stood me up

I was scrolling through instagram the other week and saw that my friend, Kim Kardashian was staying just an hour down the road in Punta Mita, along with her husband Kanye West and their baby daughter North.

Punta-Mita

Punta Mita

Kimye

#mexiconightswithmysexyman

“Perfect!” I thought as I quickly invited her and her ‘fam’ over for a pool party the following day via a comment on her instagram feed.

I didn’t hear back, but I hadn’t asked for an RSVP so I took her silence as a ‘yes’.

cocktail

The next morning I was up early preparing for Kimye’s arrival. I busied myself by making snacks and drinks, cleaning the pool, sweeping the terraces and prepping the cats on Kardashian etiquette, i.e get ready to be called ‘kee-yout,’ a lot.

Chica

Chica should have been a Kardashian, she’s such a poser…

I even prepared the guest room in case they loved it so much here and decided to stay the night.

Kardashians guest room

I wondered what we would talk about and thought I had better brush up on conversation topics such as spray tans and Botox. I wondered whether I should buy North a floaty for the pool.

gangsta

I imagined ‘Yeezy’ hanging out with Tyrhone and thought that they would probably get along quite well due to an unspoken connection between the ganstas of the world.

Part of me wished Khloe and Kourtney were coming too because I think we would probably get on much better as a group, as long as they didn’t want to play the vagina sniffing game again.

With everything prepped, I waited for them arrive. I hadn’t set a time on my invitation so I guessed their Mercedes had gotten held up behind a truck on the road leading from the up-market destination of Punta Mita to our lovely little fishing town of La Peñita.

Kim-Kardashian-lilo

Kim’s Li-lo floated empty in the pool as I questioned whether it would be sturdy enough to sustain her substantial derrier.

It was probably a good thing they didn’t show in the end, as I really couldn’t afford the lawsuit when she fell off it and injured her million dollar body.

Kim-Kardashian

I was a little sad I didn’t get to meet North though. She seems like a kid who has her shiz together and I was hoping to get some tips on selfie angles and social media domination.

Oh well.

I comforted myself with the knowledge that they would have come if they could and would have definitely had the time of their lives with us.

At least I didn’t need to research the latest fashion trends or ask those awkward questions about what really happened between Khloe and Lamar and whether Scott is actually sober or if it is only a matter of time before he goes off the deep end again.

Perhaps it was for the best because the last thing I would want to do is invade their privacy. I’ll just continue to watch from the sidelines and always remember with great fondness the day that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West almost came to my pool party.

Sarah-Somewhere

Almost!

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Comments

The day Kim Kardashian stood me up — 23 Comments

  1. my dear.. you KNOW that I have feared for your sanity for some time now, but this may have put you right over the edge :) But thanks for the very entertaining read!
    Rhonda recently posted..India on my MindMy Profile

  2. Oh my god, I can’t believe she stood you up after you went to all that trouble. What a bitch. Well, you’ll show her. Next time you’re in LA, you just won’t go over to her house then, will you? She’ll be sitting there in her designer bikini going, “Why isn’t Sarah Somewhere coming to my pool party? I put out dip and everything!” And North will be like, “Mommy, I thought that funny lady was coming over?” And Kim will be like, “I know, sweetie. I thought so too”.

    That’ll learn you to ignore Instagram invites, Kim!
    Karyn @ Not Done Travelling recently posted..Be In Alignment With Your True SelfMy Profile

  3. Too funny. I’ve been out of the US for so long, I’ve totally missed the whole Kardashian rise to fame. Funnily, they haven’t caught on in Vietnam yet… Maybe the Viets don’t know what to make of her extensive “back parts”. Although, I have to admit, that would make motorcycle riding a whole lot more comfortable… And I would have *totally* come to your pool party!
    James recently posted..Castaway on Phu Quoc’s North ShoreMy Profile

    • Oh James, watching Kardashian marathons with you would be too much fun. One day!!!! They are basically the family everyone loves to hate. I just love to love them :-)