Aah life… it’s a funny thing. Will we ever understand it? I don’t think so. I sure don’t. These days I look at life as an ever-changing, ever-flowing energy which is always on the move.
As a result, my ideas and attitudes are always evolving, shifting and transmuting.
Like that word? Me too, though I’m not entirely sure what it means.
Anyhoo, I’ve been feeling pretty lucky and very blessed lately. I’ve been thinking about the hard times and the good times; the lows and the highs. I’ve been thinking about the future and reflecting on the past, and while I do this, life goes on, always moving, shifting, transforming.
I have dreams.
I want to publish a book which will connect with people in some way, I want to run retreats in Bali and Mexico and I’m thinking I might want to teach yoga or meditation some day.
My dream is moving very slowly, but it is moving, and I have no doubt that whatever the result of my future, all will be well.
Which means that all is well right now, even though all my dreams have not yet manifested or come into fruition.
It scares me that I might miss out on ‘now’ in pursuit of the future. I have been doing it my whole life and it is something I really want to unlearn.
Because life is life. It is unpredictable and un-graspable (yes I made that one up). I am a part of it but not in control of it.
There is nowhere to ‘arrive’ at but rather a series of moments to experience, which thread together in a way I will never fully be able to perceive.
My moments are limited. I don’t want to miss any through distraction, worry, projection or fear.
Also, just because I have a dream, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. We hear all sorts of advice about making your dreams come true, and for the most part I do believe that if you want something, go get it, do it, be it.
It’s just that as I get older I can see that only focusing on my dreams for the future detracts from this precious moment I am experiencing right now.
It’s a constant challenge to stay grounded in the here and now.
I don’t mean I am going to abandon my dreams and meditate under a tree forever. I am not the Buddha. I do feel that there is work for me to do down here in order to transform myself and others.
I just know that it starts right now, in this moment, and continues with my ability to roll with the waves of life as they happen, rather than trying to control their trajectory.
Not everyone can make their dreams come true. Not everyone can have exactly what they want when they want it, and not everyone knows what will make them happy (I don’t). You may agree with that or disagree, but I believe that by being fully awake to this moment, anyone can experience the fullness of the flowing current of life, no matter what their external circumstances.
It requires commitment and dedication as well as the conscious action to ‘check in’ with the deepest, truest part of myself on a regular basis, lest I get lost in the noise of the outside world which always leaves me wanting. Being free of the desire for external fulfillment is not a goal I have achieved completely myself yet, but I’m practicing.
Because I know on a deep level that seeing my dreams through to fruition, while an important part of my journey here, is not the whole journey. I do not know what the future holds for me and therefore cannot place my happiness in the hands of a goal which may or may not happen.
I know that fulfillment exists here and now, by simply taking a moment to recognise that I am alive. To be grateful that I am part of this mysterious flow, that I get to experience the breeze on my skin and the breath in my lungs.
For we are one and the same, the breeze and I, always moving, ever-changing, and we have this one precious and glorious moment to dance together on earth. And if that isn’t enough to fill me with joy, then nothing else ever will be.