Transitions are tricky

You’d think I’d be good at them by now. A flight-attendant who zig-zagged the globe for a decade; a drunk who got sober; a writer who decided to start. A traveler who left home to do it forever…

But transitions are always tricky…

I recently experienced a huge inner transition. I’ve tried to explain, express and write about it because it’s been huge for me, this one.

Overwhelmingly positive, life affirming, empowering.

I’ve been filled with more clarity and love. Many of my old ways of thinking and feeling have dissolved, leaving me more open to access the peace within.

I’ve actually worked really hard for it, it didn’t ‘just happen’ but arose from intention, practice, seeking and surrender.

But there’s a part of me which feels a little lonely…

I’ve experienced this before during my previous transitions; when I gave up drinking and the lifestyle associated with it; when I decided to leave my job of a decade and sell my house; when I decided to ‘put it all on red’ and travel the world.

Whenever you change direction, you ‘lose’ the idea of where you thought you were heading, and who you thought you were going there with.

I  gave up a lot of people when I gave up the booze and partying, or they gave up on me, I’m not really sure (it doesn’t matter).

But as I went along, I gained so much more. The old friendships which stuck became deeper and more real, because they were based on a new-found honesty and truth.

Many new friendships were made with people I was naturally aligned with, introducing me to so much more meaning and connection than if I’d never left the bar.

Thankfully, my relationship with Tyrhone has always been based on change. I think it’s why we were brought together; to help each other transform.

Sometimes we think back to the two kids who met at a music festival in London eight years ago and are shocked at who we are today. We are almost unrecognizable from them.

As humans we seem to notice and embrace growth in children, but forget that the process never really stops. We are learning and developing and growing and becoming for our whole lives. Our natural evolution doesn’t stop when we reach adulthood. Who we are is always shifting, whether we realise it or not.

We try to cling to who we think we are, always trying to define ourselves, but the mystery of life is undefinable. Our egos can’t grasp the expansion occurring within us, and so we try to convince ourselves it isn’t happening.

Tyrhone has changed just as much as I have, and my love for him- his essence, his spirit which has played such a pivotal role in my own growth – is less conditional than it ever has been.

But still,there’s that feeling…

The things which used to interest and distract me no longer hold the same allure. The things which fulfill me now don’t really require anything from anyone, so I value solitude more than I ever have. It is a big change from someone who was constantly seeking love and validation from the world. Not that I don’t like to interact, I do, I love it, but on a different level than I did before.

“Let it be, let it be,” is the message I hear,

because this feeling has always come to me during my biggest growth phases. It has come each time I have stepped out of who I thought I was and into who I am.

It has come after each monumental moment of clarity, each big break through, each spiritual growth spurt.

So I know it’s okay.

I’m just changing again, and that feeling of loneliness is because I’m once again saying goodbye to a part of me which no longer serves who I am.

Transitions are tricky, for sure. But they are the only way to become the people we were born to be.

Artwork by A Quartzy Life… check out her store and fall in love with her work as I have!

Comments

Transitions are tricky — 15 Comments

  1. Me too Tracey! I seem to have these huge growth spurts through which I notice the transformation more. I think this lifestyle gives us more space to allow that change to take place. I outgrew my old life long before I had the courage to admit it. Now, change is a normal part of life but I still have to remind myself that inner growth often comes with ‘growing pains’ xxx

  2. This was so timely Sarah! We had a bit of an upheaval 2 months ago when Jim lost his job and (yea) today he started his new one. A day for celebration to be sure, and yet, with our new commuting schedule I’m waiting for him for a good 45 minutes after my shift, I’m fretting internally about how we’re ever going to get things done in the evening with our later arrival home, hoping the dogs don’t stress thinking we aren’t coming home… all silly things that, of course, will work themselves out in the next couple of weeks as we adjust. Why the hell is change so hard? Both the good and bad kinds! I am letting it go and making my somewhat rigid scheduling personality take a vacation as we just go with the flow into this new transition! XOXO
    Rhonda recently posted..Facts from the RoadMy Profile

    • Yes, we seem to want to control the things we can’t control! I think it’s the ego that tries to cling and prevent change, as it thrives on smallness and predictability. Overcoming it can be difficult, but when we do we’re like, “What was I worried about?!” All the best to you and Jim in this next transition xxx

  3. I understand the loneliness thing. But don’t worry; nature abhors a vacuum. Wherever, or however, you feel lonely, it’s just momentary; the universe will bring you whatever you need to fill that gap, both internal and external. It’s just part of the transition.
    Karyn @ Not Done Travelling recently posted..Why I Love Kata BeachMy Profile

  4. I just watched this TED talk on change (http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_you_are_always_changing). I was really amazed at how much we underestimate the amount and frequency of change in our lives. I’m guessing most of us think it only happens when we make these major life shifts, but it’s sneaky. We’re 2 weeks from going back to the States and only 5 from being home. It’s weird because in some ways, I feel so similar to when I left, but I know I’ve changed. It’ll be interesting to see the contrast once I get somewhere familiar again.
    Carmel recently posted..WHY GO TO IPOHMy Profile

    • Ooh I must watch that, thanks. Yes, I think we really do underestimate how much we change, giving ourselves time and space to adjust to both external and internal shifts.
      I cannot believe it’s 2 weeks!!! Aaah! Glad we will be on the same continent soon and I am definitely coming to see you!!! Can’t wait for the in person debrief xxx

      Sending you all my love for your major transition, I know it’s gonna be great for you guys to enter the next exciting phase of your lives xxx

  5. beautiful sarah, just so beautiful…. especially love this… “things which fulfill me now don’t really require anything from anyone”…. inspirational… so glad you were so brave selling up and following your dreams x

    • Thank you so much Kaz. Your support means so much to me and I am so grateful to you, spiritual soul sister! Hope you had a wonderful time in Bali. Such great memories from there, love ya xxx

    • Hi Lauren! That is so true, reflection does help!! We can see patterns emerge over our lives, like how fear creeps up every time we make a change, etc and instead of giving into it we can say, “Oh hey, you again, I know you!” It takes away its power over us, but doesnt mean it wont exist. Same to you my friend, think of you often xxx

  6. I know what you mean, transitions are hard. I’ve just arrived back in the UK after 15 months of travel and am finding it hard to say goodbye to ‘the traveller’ I once was. I will be returning to Asia in August but this time it’ll be to work and live in one place, which is a scary change. I know that once I’ve gone through this transitional phase though I’ll be fine though. It’s great that you have Tyrhone to grow and change with, I’m lucky enough to have a partner like that too.
    Amy recently posted..After the Adventure: Returning Home from TravelMy Profile