Daring greatly

I knew the lesson would come and it did. I knew joy was on its way and it was. But man, oh man, did I have to feel the pain first. Pain has, and probably always will be, my greatest teacher. It has been my biggest transformer and my pathway to growth.

All of the pain in my life has been self-inflicted, which means I am a victim of my own thinking and nothing else.

It’s been a much welcomed lesson to observe the thought patterns which send me into a downward spiral.

Basically it all boils down to fear. It’s always fear! That word, the opposite of faith.

Fear that I won’t achieve the things I want, that I’m not good enough, that I’m not worthy. Fear that I don’t have the capabilities to achieve my dreams and that I won’t be fulfilled because of that.

It sounds crazy when you say it loud, because it is.

It is exactly the sort of thinking that led me to live a life which wasn’t truly mine. A life about achieving and looking good while slowly dying inside.

I’ve learned that even today, I have a tendency to slip back into old thought patterns and ways of seeing myself and the world. I forget that I am enough. I forget that I am worthy, no matter what I achieve. I forget that I am pure love, and that my only purpose in life is to realise that.

I forget because of all the noise in my head, and the noise I allow into my life. I forget because I choose to believe the messages of the world rather than that of my heart.

A few months ago, I was sitting still after a yoga class, and I received a very clear message from my inner self. “This is where you belong,” it said, and a warm sensation of pure love swelled within me. I knew ‘this’ didn’t mean the yoga studio of my local gym, either!

It may sound strange, but I’ve only ever received three messages like this; the first one told me to stop drinking and the second one told me I needed meaning in my life, so I tend to heed them pretty intently now.

I’ve spent my life searching, looking for more. Honestly, I still am. But the truth is, I have everything I need within me. It’s all there, waiting to be allowed.

I need not look for it, only allow it to be.

This, I know, may be the greatest challenge I ever face. Not adding to myself or becoming ‘better’ but allowing exactly who I am to be. Woah, that is kind of a scary thought.

I’m grateful I was able to be transformed by my week of negativity, self-loathing and depression, by accepting it for what it was and not trying to dodge it or avoid it.  I am also grateful it passed.

I saw this on facebook the other day. I LOVE it, and have found it to be true.

We are leaving Playa and driving to Guatemala on Wednesday – aah!

I’m excited. But rather than simply seeing things and collecting experiences I’m looking forward to taking this awareness with me on the road and into this next phase of my life. I’ll miss my friends and my life here, there’s no doubt. But I know it’s time. My heart led me here to have all these wonderful experiences with such amazing people which have transformed me, so I trust it will continue to lead me well.

I read a great interview the other day in which the guy said, “Dare to go slow.”

Dare to go slow.

I’m daring. Daring to worry less, fear less and control less. It may mean achieving less, but hopefully that will leave room for the only ‘mores’ that have ever really brought me happiness: time, space, awareness, acceptance, love.

Two international border crossings in our own car should be a pretty good test of my commitment!

Wish me luck, hahahaha!!!!!!

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Daring greatly — 32 Comments

  1. I really need to work on daring to go slow – I feel like I have so much to do and achieve that I need to check things off my list as quickly as possible. But of course, life’s all about the journey, not the destination. I suppose it’s a cliche for a reason!

    I wish you luck on your own journey :)
    Lisa from Lulu’s Big Adventure recently posted..Why I Chose a Career in MedicineMy Profile

    • Thank you Lisa! Yes I suppose it is about doing what works for you – if achieving goals and making lists does make you happy, then go for it! I just know that striving doesn’t do that for me and that I need to become more accepting than wanting more all the time. Thank you!

    • It is a good one hey?! Thank you Kim, I definitely have more questions than answers but that is the beauty of this journey I suppose. Much love to you! xoxo

  2. I love you my love and I know the best is yet to come for you . A new adventure just around the corner. Happy travels

    • Thank you Patti, I went to get a photo of the art work and thought, I’ll get in this one! It was of course Tyrhone’s idea that I stand against the heart. I would never thought of that but it looks pretty cool!

  3. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful and, don’t we ALL feel the same!!
    Fear that I won’t achieve the things I want, that I’m not good enough, that I’m not worthy
    oh dear, how many times I’ve sat there, pen in hand, unable to find the words, and thought that very thing. Dare to go slow. I believe that may become my new mantra for the year. Thanks for sharing and enjoy the road trip South :)
    Rhonda recently posted..Holiday in GoaMy Profile

    • Right?! Dare to go slow!!! Yes!!! Thank you so much for connecting with this stuff and sharing yourself with me to, it makes me feel more connected and less alone, much love to you Rhonda xoxo

  4. There are two quotes here which really resonate with me – the one where you mentioned that pain is your biggest transformer, and the Cynthia Occelli quote. It is so true, and while some people go through little pain in life, I wonder if they are really *feeling* life! That’s not to say that all pain is good, and I’m certainly not suggesting that a life without pain is somehow lesser, but I know from my experience that pain has been such a big part of building the person I am today :)
    Tim | UrbanDuniya recently posted..Say Wat? Bangkok Mk IIMy Profile

    • Yes, yes, yes!!! It always has the power to transform us, if we are courageous enough to feel it and know it is a sacred part of our journey. Even if we don’t know it at the time, we can look back and say, ‘so that’s what that was about.’ Thanks for the reminder, Tim!

  5. Good luck with the move! I share a lot of the same struggles you post about – in particular the fear (I suffer from anxiety attacks). I feel like life goes too fast and I just want everything to slow down for two seconds so I can catch my breath. Your moment in the yoga class is the kind of moment I want to live slowly enough to experience.
    Karyn @ Not Done Travelling (formerly plasticsux) recently posted..Up Rapids To Fiji’s Wild InteriorMy Profile

    • I CAN SO RELATE TO THAT FEELING!!!! There was a TV show on when I was a kid where the girl had a special power to freeze time and walk around in it while everything else stood still. Oh how I wish I had that power!! The challenge is knowing that my mania exists in my mind and that I do have the power to capture stillness and peace, if I seek it. Thank you for sharing, Karyn!

    • Yes!!! It is an amazing feeling, and I’m looking forward to catching up with your South American adventures as we hope to get down there at some point too!!! xxx

  6. dare to go slow: in healing that’s what I’m learning to do. I am *so* inspired by you. Over the months, I have experienced your expansion within my own heart. At some point, I will be able to travel. My prayer is that I can take some of you are wisdom with me on those journeys. In the meantime, I carry your lessons on this one. Fantastic writing and spot on reflections. Thank you!

    • Oh thank you Sala, I echo your feelings as you inspire me endlessly with your grace, wisdom and soul. That word, ‘expansion’, brings tears to my eyes as that is exactly how I am feeling. I am beyond humbled to inspire you!!!! Thank you my dear friend xxx

    • Yes, I believe all wisdom is collective, especially if we are willing to give it away to receive more, and continue to humble ourselves by realising how little we know and how much more there is to become awakened to. Sending you so much love.