My Meltdown Moment
| January 11, 2013 | Filed under India, Rickshaw Run 2013 |
Before setting off on this adventure across India, I knew there would be tears. I just didn’t know that they would well up inside me from from a place I didn’t expect whilst negotiating Pune’s morning rush hour.
The night before saw us blow a gasket at sunset, and wait in the dark for three hours whilst another kind stranger, who had already driven 20km to pick up a mechanic, was sourcing a new part for us from the next town. Surely that would be enough to evoke some eye leakage, right? But nope; we happened to parked up at a coffee shop at the time, and chose to count our blessings instead (in the form of multiple cappuccinos).
Once we were back on the road, we drove through the dark 10 km to the next town, which was decidedly devoid of hotels except one garish, bright-green monstrosity of a place with the ill-fitting word of Palace in the name. The owner expertly identified us as sitting ducks, and wanted to charge us a ridiculous price for a grubby room, but we weren’t willing to throw the baby out with the bathwater and risk being homeless for the night after a long day on the road (and by the side of it).
After a much needed but all-too-brief sleep, we hit the road at 6 am, heading for the city of Pune, which we hoped we’d clear before rush hour. Only, it’s always rush-hour in India, and when it was my turn to drive, we had just entered the city’s outskirts.
Yippee.
I got into the drivers’ seat and made my way through the intensity of the city roads, a feeling of utter apathy washing over me. Exhausted doesn’t begin to describe the complete lack of enthusiasm I felt, which was soon replaced by a healthy serve of anger sprinkled with self-pity.
I had tackled Ahmedabad’s city streets, as well as the hellish highways of Gujarat, and survived. Thrived, in fact. I didn’t know what my capabilities were before starting this journey, and I now knew I was capable of things I never thought possible.
I said out loud, “I know I can do this now, but I just don’t want to do it anymore!”
And then it all started catching up with me, especially the part about missing Tyrhone so much for the last four weeks I’ve felt as though a vital limb has been missing. I’ve been limping through, not wanting to admit that I miss my boyfriend like crazy, and that as much as I have had a wonderful time with so many fantastic people, I’ve missed the life we created together so much it hurts.
As motorcycles cut in front of me and cars sped past, everything melted away into the milky, smoggy air – my fear, my lack of faith in my abilities, even my desire to be independent and adventurous. Perhaps that was the major lesson in all of this for me, to recognize the love I have for my life and the person I choose to spend most of my time with, like really, understand how great and amazing it is, and stop looking at the tiny things that make it not-so-great, like the fact that he never does dishes.
And there I was, the picture of ridiculousness; a 32 year-old woman driving an orange auto-rickshaw through heinous Indian traffic whilst quiet tears snaked down my cheeks.
Then we got a flat tyre, and my meltdown was rudely interrupted by a problem that needed solving. And after it was solved, we cleared the city limits of Pune, headed for warmer climbs through southern Maharashta to Goa.
I felt better, lighter, and able to have a quiet giggle at my mid-morning melt-down, content in the knowledge that although the lessons I am taking out of this journey are not what I anticipated, I’m learning exactly what I need to learn.
But I still miss my boyfriend.
More Stories
Experiencing Synchronicity In Udaipur, India
Rickshaw Run India – The Mayhem and The Miracles
Driving Through Fear
Touching Down in Goa (Finally)
Gosh, I don’t blame you. You’re made of tougher stuff than I am for handling all of that and not just throwing in the towel when the tire blew, but actually rising to the challenge and dealing with it. Wow. 4 weeks is a long time, especially when you’re going through so many incredible challenges. Even with amazing people around who you adore, it’s not quite the same as having that one person who understands you with only a glance (or less). Sometimes we just gotta go through it, though. Enjoy your brief day off and the rest of the ride! You guys are killing it.
Carmel recently posted..Christmas Dinner & a Farewell (for now)
Thank you Carmel, you hit the nail on the head! As always…
Miss you too babe, and very proud of how your handling yourself. Nothing more rewarding than a good life lesson, keep soaking them up and you’ll come out of it an even more well rounded person than before.
And yes, I hate washing dishes…
Love you
tyrhone recently posted..Life choices, the art of Sacrifice
You are as beautiful as your post……..magnifique!
Thank you Hristina, right back at you xxx
I am very proud of you Sarah and you should be also. What amazing memories you will have when you have finished in a few more days.Enjoy the rest of the trip as soon you will be sitting on a beach somewhere in the South of Spain. Enjoy every day. Love you.
Thank you so much Mum, love you too xxx
Bless you! I think doing what you are doing, it is absolutely understandable that you have a moment like this. All the new impressions, the pressure of completing the ride, the hectic life in India, the traffic, the people surrounding you with no sense of spacial awareness-I would have had a breakdown after the first day! Keep on going-not long to go now!
TammyOnTheMove recently posted..Top – 10 things to pack for voluntary placements
Thank you for your encouragement throughout this journey Tammy!! It really has been much appreciated xxx
You are amazing! What an adventure. You are in our thoughts, both Alex and I dreamt about you last night. We were hanging out at a party
Wishing you a day of safe travels. Lots of love xoxo
He he, that cracked me up. Thanks sweety, love you Jyots xxx
I always love reading your posts because the way you write just evokes so many images.
I love the honesty and all your realizations. Isn’t it great that we are fortunate to have these opportunities and life lessons to realize what we want and don’t want and to remind us what we are really grateful for in life?!
Lauren recently posted..Photo essay: Istanbul, Turkey
Thanks Lauren, so true! It’s all about the journey…
Hey sweetness. To have only had one major meltdown moment amongst all the challenges of what you’re doing is pretty bloody good! I had a dream a few nights ago that you finished the run at Cinqe Terre in Italy and were loving the awesome beaches there!! X
Wow that sounds amazing, I love that place! Thanks Eggy, all finished now, thanks so much for following on my dear xxx
Pretty sure if I drove anything through India, for any length of time, even with my boyfriend, I’d be having a constant melt-down. Props to you for only keeping it to one day!
Jessica Wray recently posted..Growing Up Next to the Border and Revisiting Years Later: Part 1
Hi Jessica, you’ve got a good point!!! Though it wasn’t the only one…
You’re on such an amazing but intense adventure (I imagine!) that I’m sure it’s only natural for you to experience extreme highs and lows. Missing someone is one of the worst kinds of pain, but keep in sight that you’re doing this for an amazing cause. I’m looking forward to more stories from the road!
Amy recently posted..Our Packing List
Thanks Amy, that is so true!!
Interesting! Me and a friend are going to backpack India this December. Last night, another friend is joining. 3 ladies in India sounds like you ladies!
How exciting Lela!! Drop me a line if you would like more info on India
Hi Sarah, love your blog! I have melt-downs sometimes, I undrestand you, I would never be able to do what you are doing right now, hope you are ok now and have a great travel!
Jan Goldsmith recently posted..Photo Essay: Winter in Saratov, Russia
Thanks Jan, you’d be surprised what you are capable of! Happy travels to you too
So beautifully said Sarah. You and Tyrhone have something very special. I’m sure he is super proud of his adventurous girlfriend x
Thank you Dani, that’s so kind of you! Lovely to hear from you and I hope 2013 is treating you guys well so far xxx
India’s roads are enough to make anyone cry
Its good to have a cry sometimes and just to let everything out that is bothering you, you feel so much better afterwards 
Yes, love a good cry (just preferably not whilst driving… it’s kind of dangerous!) Thanks Ally
I love the honesty of this post. I think it’s very healthy thing to have a meltdown every once in a while.
Stephen S. recently posted..A New Year in New York.
Thanks Stephen, I must be quite healthy then
[...] started traveling in 2012, and she writes some wonderfully honest and unaffected stories (see: My Meltdown Moment). She decided to travel to find herself and to build a new life and she’s doing that. For me, [...]
[...] started roving in 2012, and she writes some splendidly honest and unblushing stories (see: My Meltdown Moment). She motionless to transport to find herself and to build a new life and she’s doing that. For [...]